


Happy Birthday.

by kagswrld



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Sad Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:46:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24913318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagswrld/pseuds/kagswrld
Summary: "Happy birthday..."
Comments: 5
Kudos: 104





	Happy Birthday.

**Author's Note:**

> an angsty oneshot for mr trash rat's birthday:)

June 25th. Another ordinary day, nothing different or special about it. No, nothing at all. Yet, despite this, the sinking feeling that each side had - suggesting that they had forgotten something important - clouded over them all. Logan checked his calendar and diary, nothing. Patton checked his post-it notes on the fridge, nothing. Virgil checked his notes of important dates, nothing. Janus seemed to have scheduled nothing. And as for Roman, he tried to make himself believe that there was nothing.

It was quiet, eerily so; the 'dark side' of the mindscape always had some racket echoing through the halls - whether it was Janus' shouts of exasperation or Remus doing whatever it was Remus did. The Duke would always be blabbering on about an idea or bounding down the halls, pulling pranks and cackling at the results of them. However, today there was nothing. Sure that left all the other sides confused, but it was obviously nothing to fret over, right?

None of them would ever admit to being concerned over this, but it was indeed concern they were feeling. It was unnatural and wrong for Remus' everlasting presence to just be gone without warning or reason. It felt different: a bad kind of different, a different that makes your gut tell you that something was horribly wrong. But that can't be the case, right?

Everything was fine, normal, good. Remus was probably just sleeping in. Or maybe he got invested in an idea. Or maybe... maybe he wasn't fine. But that was impossible, nothing ever got the Duke down - he was unfazed by anything and everything, right?

Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

In fact, they were so wrong, it almost seemed like they were pulling some sort of sick joke. Remus knew that they weren't, and quite frankly he wasn't surprised, it didn't take a genius to figure out where the rest stood when it came to him.

He knew that they didn't like him, that they were scared of him. He knew that they believed he was completely grotesque, utterly disgusting and simply irking. He knew that they only considered him as an insignificant spec, that he was intrusive thoughts and that alone.

But of course that didn't phase him, nothing got him down. Judgemental stares? Rude comments? Harsh insults? Remus knew not how and why these things could affect someone. Obviously. It wasn't like he wished every night upon every star to be accepted. Or that he'd look in the mirror and impulsively smash it so he didn't have to look at the gross reflection taunting him. Or that whenever he'd look at Roman he'd see everything he wish he was.

"It's a little like looking in a funhouse mirror but instead of a giant head or like long legs and a tiny torso, it shows you... everything you don't want to be."

That's what his brother had said. His own brother. Any last shrivel of faith he had left wilted away as soon as he heard that. All the things he had ever done, all the times that he tried to be seen or even heard. All of that went straight down the toilet.

Remus found it sickeningly amusing that he even considered keeping a shred of hope for someone, anyone, to remember. For anyone to even acknowledge him in a positive way. All Remus ever was, was the monster in the closest or the demon under the bed. All he ever was, was evil.

And so he laughed. One of those breathy, tear filled huffs where you nod your head and grimace; the laugh that works as a dam to stop the dejection from engulfing you, for all your efforts to be wasted as the tears spill anyways. The dam shattered into a million pieces, splintering Remus in the process, the water that it had tried so desperately to contain burst out - free from its shackles. Still Remus stays chained to these words as tears painted his dusty pink cheeks, as he just let everything he had been holding back go. He thought today might've been different, better, that maybe at least Roman would remember it's significance. Remus did remember Roman's birthday after all.

Not only that, but Remus had gotten him a gift and refrained from doing anything 'mean' to him for the entire day. Remus had remembered. Remus had cared. Why couldn't Roman? They were brothers for goodness sake! Isn't that what brothers were supposed to do, always be there for each other no matter what? Wasn't that how it was supposed to be? Remus had supposed it a long time ago. But now? Not so much.

He spent many years wishing for his brother back, but whenever he'd catch a glance, he'd see how blissful Roman looked; and thus Remus had reluctantly began to believe that maybe it was better this way. He spent many more years envying and 'hating' his brother, but in reality Remus just wanted to feel at home too. To not feel so cold. So alone. So unwanted. He had grown up with the belief that he was the scraps, left overs from Roman's brilliance and maybe he did still believed it. But he knew, deep down, that he was a side - maybe not a helpful nor good one, but one fundamentally.

Midday had come and gone in both a flash and as slow as physically possible, but Remus had yet to make a single move. He thought it over, the pros and cons of getting up (typically he'd have a full list of pros that varied from pranks to battles by now), yet all that amounted was a sea of cons. No one would care, you'd just be a burden, no one even wants to tolerate you. Remus thought it true, he would just be met with a bunch of revolted expressions. What was the point of doing something that'll only get you hurt? ...Hope. That was his answer; he turned his head in disgust - too wholesome. He didn't need thoughts like that, they were just depressing him further.

His room was dim and cold, he looked around for any distractions, his eyes caught the mid dissected liver on his desk, then his morning star, and finally his mirror. The Duke stared back at himself - his sickly pale face, bloodshot puffy eyes (from the crying that he swears he hasn't done), and his chapped lips - this image of himself laughs at him, at how pathetic he looks, at how he will never be wanted like Roman, how he will never be Roman. Anger began to boil inside of Remus, despondency and hopelessness splashed over the brim - he screamed. The mirror shattered, sharp shards blanketed the floor.

His scream wasn't an intrusive one. It wasn't high-pitched or like nails on a chalk board. Instead it was coated in pain, it was shaky and it cracked. It was broken and bruised. It came accompanied with all of the times he was called evil, or gross, or a monster. It spoke about how, for his entire life, Remus just wanted to be loved. That it wasn't fair that Remus was shunned for doing his job. That Remus couldn't control it. That Remus spent hours rocking back and fourth to try and rid himself of his own thoughts. It told about how Remus suffered too, just like how Virgil suffered with anxiety, that Remus was at the forefront of all of these troubling ideas and images; despite being used to it, it often got too much for him to handle as well. It read, that Remus was forsaken and unloved - that he at least wanted his brother to remember his birthday. Just once.

The Duke scoffed at the mess in front of him, it's fairly ironic how this all turned out. He was supposed to be uncaring and wicked, yet he wasn't, he did care and he occasionally made an effort to show that. Shamefully, he plastered a sad smile on his face as he looked back from the glass to his lap, where is trembling hands rested.

"Happy birthday..."

Remus looked up. He was alone.

"To me."

*optional happy ending* :)

The day had passed agonisingly slow, Remus thought it must've been the universe's way of punishing him for this, that or the other. At this point, Remus didn't feel miserable - not that he was content, no he was far from it - he just felt nothing. He felt hollow and frozen, lonely and well deserted. He was also very tired. Not physically, that would be bizarre because for the whole day he had just been sat staring at his door as if someone would walk in whilst singing happy birthday. The Duke realised this was wishful thinking, but he could dream.

It must've been around eight P.M when he stumbled into the common area; looking around he found nobody in sight. He sighed, in both relief and disappointment. They all really had forgotten his birthday, or maybe they just didn't care enough to celebrate it? This reality that he had been duelling the entire day finally set in and his chest immediately felt heavier. He felt himself slouch and curl in on himself and he shuffled his way to the shared kitchen, eyes plastered to the floor. He didn't want to think about it anymore, he just wanted to sleep and forget that he existed - yet his growling stomach said otherwise. He didn't feel hungry, he didn't feel anything right now, so he settled on grabbing a glass of water and returning back to his room. The Duke didn't believe that anyone would be out of their spaces at this time, so he deemed it safe, he couldn't face everyone knowing how little they cared. It would pain him too much that he might just collapse into a fit of tears all over again and he wanted that less than anything.

So when he was met with the deep red eyes of his brother, he was shocked to say the least.

Roman had his head in his hands as he mumbled under his breath unknowingly, until the scuffing of feet along the floor caused him to glance up, straight into his brother's forest green eyes. He gulped.

"Remus?" He whispered, disbelief strangled his voice.

The Duke felt the tears welling in his tired eyes as he swiftly turned and headed straight back from whence he came. He couldn't do this, he was acting stupid, none of them cared so why in hell's name was he upset. He always knew this, so why did it affect him? Evil is all he was, evil!

"Remus!" Roman's hand gripped the Duke's shoulder firmly, holding the twin in place.

"What do you want Roman?" Remus heard the crack in his own voice and he was sure, by the flinch, Roman did too.

"I wanted to..."

Remus cut him off, the jealously and heartache bursting into flames inside of him, "you wanted to what, make fun of me? Laugh in my face about how no one cares about the no-good, evil twin?! That everyone including you, my own brother forgot about my birthday?!"   
At this point Remus was beside himself, his breaths were heavy and uneven, tears cascaded down his cheeks as he stared down at himself in disgust. "Because I know that none of you like me, you have no reason to shove it in my face even more than you already have - I'm just your 'not-so-funhouse mirror after all.'"

A gasp filled the room, "you- you heard that?"

"What does it matter if I did? You don't care, if you did, you would never have said it! I-I hate you!" Remus attempted to walk away, but found himself stuck. He opened his eyes slowly to find Roman's arms wrapped around him, "Roman..?"  
He was speechless, Roman hated him, Roman thought he was nothing: so why-?

"Remus, I'm sorry. I know that isn't enough to fix everything, but I've been wrong and you've suffered because of it. What I mean to say is," Roman let go and smiled softly, "happy birthday, brother."

Remus stared in shock. He didn't really believe that this was actually happening. "You really mean it?" He managed to ask, tentatively.

"Yeah."

With that, Remus smiled, a genuine smile - he willed himself not to cry, despite that fact that it was tears of joy were threatening to fall.

"Thank you..." he finally sighed out.

"Don't thank me yet Dukey, it's not over!" Roman grinned, definitely up to something - with that comment shrouded in mystery - he grabbed Remus' wrist and lead him back to the dark sides room.

Roman gestured for Remus to open the door and what was waiting for him on his bed was something Remus, in a million years, could never have imagined.

Patton, Logan, Virgil and Janus were all sat surrounded in gifts... gifts for him.

Remus stood there, frozen in place, unable to comprehend what he was seeing, this couldn't be real, could it?

The answer was yes and in a blink of an eye, everyone stood and engulfed Remus in a hug - a warm hug.

As Remus felt the love swell inside of him, he closed his eyes and breathed out,

"thank you..."

**Author's Note:**

> oops,, my finger slipped


End file.
